Thursday, January 26, 2012

Supermom... or just really dumb.

Why am I doing this?

It's not like I can really give any useful advice to anyone.  I've blatantly ignored all of the "how to raise a functional child" books.  Cry it out?  Nope.  Breastfeed for a whole year!  Nope.  Playgroup?  Nope.  Bi-lingual Nanny?  Nope.  Babywearer!  Nope.

I'm a 38 year old bartender, raising a toddler in the most expensive neighborhood in Brooklyn with no family in state, no nanny, and no savings account to speak of.  I've managed to keep said baby happy and alive for 15 months.  I haven't strangled my common law husband (a.k.a babydaddy), and I haven't filed bankruptcy.  Woot! Woot!

But recently I have developed a bout of insomnia.  I wake up around 3 am and realize that I am a 38 year old bartender, raising a toddler in the most expensive neighborhood in Brooklyn with no family in state, no nanny, and no savings account to speak of.  Oh shit. 

It was in the throes of one of these bouts, that I realized this would be a hell of a lot easier if I had a network of equally fucked moms with whom I could trade survival tips.  Idealistic visions of hippy-style passing down of toys and clothes, sharing of babysitters, play dates in the park... all interrupted by one glaring obstacle.

I have nothing, and I mean actually zero in common with all of the mom's that I meet.  I mean really, if you tell me your 13 month old is bilingual one more time I'm gonna stab you in the face.  And, no, I do not want a play date with your nanny.  And I won't be signing up for 'playgroup' because it will get me on the good side of the 'most competitive preschool in the neighborhood.'

There's got to be some Moms who have been scared into hiding by the milestone police and bugaboo squad, who are just as screwed as I am, and need a network.

Right?


17 comments:

  1. I gotta say living in nyc aint no walk in the park i live in queens in a studio with a BABY ! Im young so i know what you mean about the no money in the bank situation ! But somehow we make it work

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    1. It's a giant, really expensive stroller. They are all the rage in my neighborhood- and totally not city friendly!
      http://www.amazon.com/Bugaboo-2011-Cameleon-Stroller-Dark/dp/B0017P1KPQ/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1327839017&sr=8-2

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  3. mm, my baby will be bilingual, or more, but i still wanna read your posts. i'm from the april 2011 group on babycenter, saw your posts there today, and had to click over. following you now on google reader.

    and yeah, baby bilingual because we don't live in the u.s. but speak english to her all the time. but ha, she's not even lingual yet, at 9 1/2 months, so who knows. ;)

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    1. 9 1/2 months! Do babies talk that early! Lucien still only has a few words- and he's 15 months!

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  4. Hi Maria!!
    Its Amy Jones from San Jose. Laura told me about your blog, and I love it! I now have twin boys that are 15 months, and a daughter who is 2. Our life is insane, and its nice to know that others are in the same boat. Your little one couldn't be more cute. It is really so great to find you, and know you are doing well :)

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    1. I just realized i replied in the wrong place- this blog thing is new to me- see below :)

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  5. Amy!! It's so nice to hear from you. I'm going to send you an email (i think i can just follow your name, right?) I wanna see pics of those kids! Three? Holy shit. You are my hero.

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  6. Hi Maria! Just read every entry in your blog and I *love* it. I will be bookmarking and back to check for new stuff often. I live in the Philadelphia area and I'm 8 months pregnant with my first child. Not only do we have a lot in common with our ideals and views on parenting, but in a demographic sense as well- I work as a waitress, my boyfriend works in data entry for $11 an hour, we have no savings and we live in a shoe box. I've read all the books, I've been to all the mommy blogs but I can relate to you and yours by far the best out of all the words I've devoured over the last 6 and a half months. So, to sum it up- THANK YOU for taking the time to write this blog. I hate Gwyneth Paltrow too.

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    1. Aww-you made me weepy! Thanks for reading, and taking the time to say such incredibly sweet things. Happy pregnancy. Some advice- don't do ANYTHING for ANYONE for the next few months. Enjoy your pregnancy!

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  7. so what happened was....STFU Parents pimped your blog--yeah girl!--and now I'm freaking hooked! Loves it. Loves it all. I totally see myself having the same kind of blog once I have a tiny human of my own. Someday. :)

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  8. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this blog. It's like you're in my head. It feels good to know i'm not alone in a lot of these experiences. I have the same problem. Lonely single momma in BK here, because I just CANNOT deal with the nonsense I hear at the playground. I tried to sign up for Mommy and Me classes (because I thought I could meet other moms), but apparently those are only for the "mommies who brunch club" (bugaboo required) because I'm sitting at a desk at 11:30am, homies. No evening activities offered for the working mommas apparently.

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  9. The few times I thought I was actually making a mom friend, it turns out they were trying to set me up on a play date with the nanny. Not kidding. It happened 6 times. So weird.

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  10. I love your blogs! My mom almost died over laughing at the one about the park and the picnic basket-Neosporin & band aids lol..and the laundry mat one hahaha. Your hilarious!!! I love your cynical side haha.

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